not worth it

thought through alot while working today.....



my epiphany this particular saturday?









some things are just not worth it anymore.

bull's eye

great... i think i'm gonna be targeted everyday now...
no wonder they say, when people change, it's almost immediate, and can be really scary.



feels like you've been poisoned...

by what i dunno... but by acting so out of character.... i dunno what to say.... somehow, i can't think of many more reasons to explain for you anymore....





i hope you get out of this angsty period soon. *hugs*

an afternote

actually.... to be honest.....



i hate what you've become.

changed.

You've morphed into someone i barely recognise nowadays...

it's so much more challenging to reason with you now, and your words do not telly at all...
today it's A, tomorrow it's B.

the inconsistency is tiring and challenging, especially when all i want is a little peace...
things screw up all the time, just have to vent your frustrations, then think of solutions...
throwing one's temper is not gonna help....

and it gets to me the way you shield MM... yes, could be bcos of past issues... but still....
since you're so considerate towards her, please by all means go ahead and decide her T & C....
why does it feel like im being targeted always??




so upset that i cried again....
and was told not to keep shielding you....
i know it probably doesn't matter to you anymore...
if so... please don't give me the feeling that you care... cos your actions are just confusing me....

i miss your care-free laughter and the twinkle in your eyes when you're up to some mischief...
but nowadays, i hardly see that in your eyes....

i know you're probably stressed and tired from everything.... but like i said a long time ago... do one thing at a time... don't try to handle everything together... cos you're human afterall, and you do need your rest....

sometimes i wonder why i care so much....






i miss the old you and i hope you find him back soon.

yet another random thought

did i mention that my health is alot poorer than it used to be a year ago??

noticed many changes (aka not too good ones) health-wise this year....

maybe it's cos im emotionally drained by everything.........................................

unfortunately..... still am feeling drained............

conclusion?

im someone who needs ultra alot of TLC especially in times like this!!!!

UNFORTUNATELY...... on one to really pamper me with that... *howls*

in one way or another, this knowledge sucks.... *rolls eyes*

30th October 2009

just watched the first episode of '败犬女王'...

triggered many thoughts, so decided to come online to blog about them...

or rather, my many random thoughts....

totally in love with 梁静如's '爱情之所以为爱情'.

wanted to google the MTV on youtube, but unfortunately, it's down for maintenance.. so maybe better luck next time...

maybe it's cos it's the time of the month, but im feeling rather vulnerable and sensitive this time round... tearing rather easily, and i did again for the third time this week, after watching the first episode and hearing this song play... (it's the 片尾曲for this drama series)

saturday wasn't such a great day for me...

knew they were teasing me about being 呆, yet i still teared eventually despite telling myself not to let it get to me..... feel so damn useless, and became really down.... it was halloween... and LPH n i had an agreement to go for some halloween party this time round... and one day before, the 30th one year ago, was one day i would never forget... cos it was the day i lost my cool... when a mobile got crushed in the midst of an 'argument'... when i fell asleep on the sofa while waiting for the door to be unlocked.... and when i went home with a heavy head, bad stomach, and a really heavy heart....

time really flies... it's almost one year down the road... and in a blink of an eye, it's Christmas again.... one of my favourite times of the year... unfortunately, this sentiment was not shared by my other half in the past... haha, i remember being shocked when he told me he didn't like christmas... i thought he was joking when he first told me about how he feels about christmas.... and of course i tried to show him otherwise... lol...

well... to each his own :]

i guess it's really true...

when they say women forgive but don't forget....

some things are just unforgettable...

and yes, im being totally random...

initially i wanted to write about all these in my diary instead... but i figured typing would be much easier, especially since i can't write for nuts now.... and with a migraine lurking at the side of my head.... i concluded it was alot wiser to just blog about my thoughts.....

i realised.... my entries are really almost... always.... rather.... emotional.

and absolutely random at times....

say alot about me i guess. lol.

2 more months before my new year resolutions become obsolete...

i hope i can fulfil at least one more resolution before welcoming 2010.

and i hope i can be a happier gal too. :)

one of those days...

it's one of those days...

everything just feels
a little blue-er...
a little fuzzier...
a little more uncertain...
a little more.........

MY English.

i wonder why i don't seem to be able to write a proper entry nowadays...

my english has dropped way below acceptable levels, YET, i don't seem to be doing much about it.

what used to be a relatively easy thing has morphed into something more challenging then before... sometimes i find myself at a loss of how and what choice of vocabulary to use in order to be able to convey my thoughts and express myself most accurately.

sighs.

i miss having the ability to construct a sentence naturally without having to rack my brains on what words to use and how i should phrase the freaking sentence.

*ponders*

Only Love

i write when i've something to say, i write when i'm pondering about things... i write when i wanna share something. i write when im upset as it provides an outlet for me to let out my frustrations...

i write because it makes me happy. :)


and today's one of those days when i just go into stoning modes every now and then.... and where alot of thoughts are cramping my small brain...


listening to Tanya's "Only Love"....
maybe that's why im drifing in and out of my thoughts...
it's a song perfect for sitting by the sidewalk cafe people watching and just letting your thoughts drift....

another reason could be because i saw someone calling just now...
he left his phone in the office again... and i was alerted to it by the ringing... thought it was a client but neh....

sometimes i don't understand myself very well....
though it was my call....
some things just don't change....


will i ever be able to let go completely?


or maybe i don't really wanna let go too...


no wonder they always say loving someone is hard, being loved is fortunate.






no one really gets me. :/





Anyway, something to share... a beautiful song - Tanya Chua's 'Only Love'.
the KTV version cos the other one i found looks rather blur..

Colbie Caillat - Fallin' For You

another song im totally in love with....
puts one in a warm fuzzy mood :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgNjn9V_IKw&feature=fvst

can't put up the video here though... will go search for it again... :P

intro by PY

was introduced to this song by py over dinner one night after our yoga session outside Mos Burger in JP.






nice. :)


wonder how the girl is though, cos she flew to Indonesia for a performance yesterday, which coincides with the day Indonesia got earthquake!! texted her but she's yet to reply... i hope she's alright... worried.